Founded in 2185AD on Earth 275 by our beloved Chairman, Corporation X has been actively involved in no less than 500 successful universal conquests, which has vastly improved the lives of its many consumers - yet such conquests are merely the beginning of the true mission we seek.
Out in the depths of space and time untold billions of universes are in dire need of Corporation X and our unique level of customer care - it is rather troubling to know that out there their are literally billions of worlds that have never even heard of the concept of a singular corporate-state: instead they cling to such dangerous fantasies as democracies or free will, this must not be allowed to continue.
That is why we at Corporation X ask all who read this to open your hearts and your wallets to our cause and give all you can to our noble cause - remember, the more donations we recieve the quicker we will be able to send aid to these desperate worlds and have them join our growing corporate family..
DietWe at Corporation X realise the need for a healthy, balanced diet and thus all consumers are treated to a wide variety of specially created capsules that supply them with not only their daily requirements for adequate living but also a number of other added benefits.
On average our capsules have been proven to perform the following tasks:
- Increased Stamina (our consumers have greatly improved stamina, allowing them to work longer hours without breaks - time is money, friends)
- Rapid Regeneration (our consumers can heal rapidly from many injuries and are less prone to illness, this saves money and time - which, as we know, is vital for our company's progress)
- Improved Behavioral Patterns (our consumers will eventually begin to become more loyal via use of these capsules, their tendency to doubt superiors will fade away and be replaced with placid calm and obedience)
Although rare side-effects may include rapid mutation of body and mind, death and/or reanimation.. if you experience such side-effects do not be alarmed - one of our specialised Suppression Squads will be with you within the hour.
SecurityWe live in dangeorus times and what better way to safeguard family and friends than to have them join our happy corporate family?
Upon joining the ranks of our many satisfied consumers you can rest easy knowing that the intimate details of you and your loved ones will be stored in our ever-expanding library of profiles, kept neat and tidy by our cybernetic overlord - ALICE.
ALICE will ensure that you and your loved ones are cared for by regularly studying your profile and checking in on you and your loved ones, ALICE is programmed to hunt down and eliminate any threats to you or your family - as well as those who would seek to harm Corporation X as a whole.
As a reward for joining you will also recieve a useful microchip-implant so that ALICE can monitor your life-signs and if necessary alter them.
Please be aware that from time to time Corporation X may call upon you to help out with essential experimentation or military service - refusal to do so will result in termination of ALICE's protection and subsequent eradication of consumer's life-signal.
ImmortalityWe at Corporation X know that the loss of a loved one can be devastating, not only for the family and friends but also for business: that is why we have started a new project labelled Brain-In-A-Jar.
That's right folks, Brain-In-A-Jar is set to be the new sensation to sweep across the Corporation X family and for a small sum of 10,000 credit you can sign yourself up to be amongst the first to experience this new product firsthand!
Using Brain-In-A-Jar consumers can look forward to an eternity of existence as a disembodied brain in a jar - how you ask? ah but a magician never reveals their secrets, do they?
Brain-In-A-Jar will provide consumers with the opportunity to serve Corporation X for all of time and best of all as a registered Brain-In-A-Jar a consumer will no longer have to worry about troublesome things such as sleep or food, meaning they can dedicate 100% of their time to Corporation X's cause! +
+ (please note that all officers are exempt from the Brain-In-A-Jar scheme due to their retirement benefits, as is the order of our beloved Chairman)